i'm shan.
i try to be artistic.
but in the end, i'm just a geek.
i’m not single anymore. :)
ohai der, nyquil.
nice of you to pay me a visit.
I’M SICK. NEIGHBORS ARE LOUD. I LIKE THIS GUY. HE’S PRETTY AMAZING BUT HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND AND YET HE’S LIKE ASJFSADLJFAS;DLKFJASD;L TOWARDS ME AND IT’S REALLY CONFUSING.
and i’m sick.
really sick.
i can hear the wolves delivering my eulogy.
today’s been one of those days.
where everyone’s out of it or completely miserable.
dealing with adjusting to a new environment, shitty food, new people, and trying to maintain a balance between holding on to home and moving on with a new life.
i’ve sort of just realized that this is it. this is the start of everything. and i feel alone, lost, confused and i want to turn back but i know i can’t. everything is falling apart, people are already separating, and everyone is slowly beginning to realize that we’re not completely adults yet and that the world is fucking terrifying and merciless. people don’t care, and the people who do care are hidden amongst a sea of apathetic sons of bitches who put on a skanky or steroid infused or partytard appearance just so they can find a way to fit in and not feel awkward anymore. it’s high school, but more important and shit actually counts. i’m still judgmental and immature; consistently babbling about how stupid the hipsters who play hacky sack or smoke outside hoosac 24/7 look, and whining about how i’m caught in the middle of so much drama that has nothing to do with me to begin with. i love helping people, but seriously! get over it. break up with your significant others, enjoy being free from pointless long distance relationships and the lack of trust, go out and get crunk or skip a class that doesn’t even count towards graduation since you’re overtired as fuck and simply don’t give a shit at this point in time. there’s always next week, and it’s not like they care.
i love everyone here, but seriously. everyone needs to be so much happier, and i can’t be happy if the people i love are feeling like shit. thankfully, i’ve met someone who i can say i fully trust with just about everything. i feel closer to him than anyone else i’ve met at this college, and i’m not going to let my possible romantic feelings for him get in the way this time around. i’m not going to fall for him; he’s basically my brother. the brother i never had. i don’t care what he did in the past or anything, what matters is that i can fully open up to this guy and trust him with all my shit and he can do the same for me. where has this guy been all my life, i have no friggen clue. but i’m glad i know him, and i’m glad to have at least one person i can consider my best friend here.
tomorrow will be better. dungeons and dragons and auditions for romeo and juliet, and skipping math to sleep in a bit will be very nice and much needed.
i love my figurative older brother, fed, my neighbors, roomie, and my d&d party.
LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE.
NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY